I usually don't get all personal and opinionated on my blog...except when it comes to midwifery, but only because I feel like women are being lied to and cheated and it deeply saddens me.
I generally don't like the whole world to know what is going on in my brain. I like to craft online and meet other artsy people and share artsy ideas, but other than that I don't want personal things "out there." Maybe I'm just writing this to get it off my chest, and I'm writing it
publicly because I'd say every woman/teenage girl that I've ever met (and dare I say
alot of men that I've met?) has issues with their bodies pertaining to "fatness" and "body-image." Maybe I'm hoping that someone out there can tell me if they, like me, feel
SICK of living their lives with this constant fat-
ometer going on in their heads? I just read
this article and I guess it kind of spurned me on.
I talk to my friend Karyn about this
alot. About how every time I'm with a group of women the topic of dieting gets brought up. She said she notices it too. Sometimes I have brought it up. Sometimes I just join in. But every time I get caught up in the diet discussion a little thought is gnawing away at me that says "am I
really going to be talking about this for the rest of my life? Am I
always going to be worrying if I'm thin enough?" As far back as I can remember the "D" word has been a part of my vocabulary.
Alot has been said (and is being said) about Americans being the fattest population, we are a nation of over-consumers, blah blah blah. I agree with alot of that rhetoric, but I'm sick of it. Sick of feeling like my life is ruled by thoughts of trying to attain this perfect weight. It doesn't exist and I don't want it taking up any more of my mind-space. Isn't there a
BAJILLION other more important things going on in the world I can think about?? I use to mentor a group of teenage girls. We had to make a special meeting on the side of our "normal" meeting time just to try and work through eating disorders that were rampant and general obsession over thinness and jealousy issues when it came to having friends who were thinner (and sometimes jealousy over friends who were heavier...heaviness can mean bigger boobs and curvier hips and what teenage girls doesn't envy that in a friend at some point?). Sometimes I told these girls "Just wait till you get out of high school. These same issues won't matter nearly as much and you'll be so much happier." But was that the truth? In a way, I don't really think so. The world is still very much a "high school mentality" world, is it not?
My women's studies proff, who I have learned so freaking much from, told us this story about how she lost over 200 pounds (or some huge amount like that). She said that before her weight loss her whole life people had made comments to her about how she needed to lose weight. How she needed to get "healthier." How she shouldn't drink that chocolate milkshake. After she "got healthier" and changed her lifestyle (which she regarded as better for a myriad of reasons, not only because she lost weight) people started commenting to her that she was "too thin!" and started trying to get her to eat more when she went out to dinner or ate with family. She realized at that moment that it wasn't about weight, or people's concern over her health. It was about people trying to have control over her body. About people trying to control other people and get other people to fit into their little tiny box of what is "acceptable" and "normal." That was some major food for thought for me (no pun intended).
So anyway, I am on the hunt for a women (mainly because I am a woman) who is at peace with her body. Who doesn't diet on and off every other week. Who is comfortable in her own skin and who even (gasp!) loves her own skin! Even my counselor, when I talked to her about this very topic, said that she wasn't at peace with her body and she has never known a woman who was!
If you are out there, dear woman, please let me in on your secret. I want to sit at your feet and learn from you.
